I Couldn’t Make This Up - A Response
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH BEING PREGNANT AND IT IS NOT HEALTHY TO BE OBSESSED WITH ANYTHING. Agreed.
I have friend’s who lost EVERYTHING because SHE wanted to be pregnant so bad….a homeless shelter is no place to raise a child and that’s almost where they were. I’m sorry to hear about your friend, but her scenario is not everyone’s.
There should be some psychological evaluation BEFORE assisted pregnancy options are carried out. There is. A meeting with a psychologist is usually de rigueur. In fact, it was part of our initial consultation with our fertility clinic, before we even met with anyone else.
I’m wondering, are you also advocating for mandatory psych evals before anyone can get pregnant?
TYRA wasn’t BERATING people….I wouldn’t know. I didn’t watch it, remember? but people who have psychological obsessions only see it as being attacked or ridiculed. It’s really about their selfishness and guilt.
EVERYTIME I see a child GROW UP IN THE WELFARE SYSTEM I am outraged that these selfish people couldn’t give their love to a child who wants and needs parents as much as or more than these people will go through to TRY have a child. Who are “these selfish people?” I’m guessing you are bundling all women trying to conceive into this category. That’s interesting since many of the couples that I know who are trying to conceive are also pursuing the path (domestic adoption) that you claim they aren’t. These things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Some people simply aren’t meant to conceive whether it’s due to genetic incompatibility (it exists), health or a host of other reasons. THEY WILL SPEND MILLIONS on a dream but won’t even give 10 cents worth of thought to adopting a child OR they will go to FOREIGN countries and buy babies and leave tens of thousands of parentless AMERICAN (mostly non-white) children stranded in the system. While fertility treatments are indeed expensive, I have never heard of a scenario where a couple has spent a million dollars on this dream. And your statement, once again, assumes that “these selfish people” haven’t tried or are in the process of adopting. And why is domestic adoption the only moral choice for you? Are there not tens of thousands of parentless (mostly non-white, to use your words) children across the world? Does love know national boundaries?
When you use the term “buy babies” you infer that international adoption is as easy as writing a check. There is nothing further from the truth.
People are selfish…there ARE children for them to have and they are too self centered to see them. If they can’t give themselves to a child with no parent WHY do they deserve to BE parents? UNWANTED BABIES ARE BORN EVERYDAY and these couples sit and cry about NOT being able to have their own????? Don’t give me the sob story…they can’t see the forest for the trees. I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS! You are right. People are selfish - Selfish to think that their vision of family or how a family should be formed is the only way. To imply that to be a parent is a privilege given only to those that are “deserving” is ridiculous. You are right – unwanted babies are born every day. Tell me, why is it the moral imperative of couples trying to conceive to find homes for each of these babies before they can try to conceive their own?
By “one of those kids,” do you mean that you were adopted? Me too. Small world.
I have twins of my own and ADOPTED another older child because he needed parents and we could be that for him. You have to GIVE to receive. Love should be unconditional and they REALLY wanted to be parents they would be. DNA has nothing to do with LOVE. You are right - DNA has nothing to do with love. Just as being “deserving” has nothing to do with being a parent. The very concept of parenting is, in its essence, a selfish act. To say one path is more selfish than others is something that doesn’t gel with me.
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POSTED IN: Adoption, IVF, advocacy, babies, finances, infertility treatments, living with infertility, motherhood, shared experiences
8 opinions for I Couldn’t Make This Up - A Response
Jendeis
Mar 21, 2008 at 9:44 am
Just wanted to thank you for this articulate and compassionate response to such an angry comment that another person might have simply deleted.
laurabc98
Mar 21, 2008 at 10:34 am
I agree with Jendeis. I would have responded with much harsher words. It is admirable that you took the time to educate a clearly ignorant, bitter woman. Your path to conception is no different that couples conceiving on their own; why are women who need medical interventions separated out for such critique? Oh, because you “are not meant to” conceive naturally. Ah, I see. God is up there making these determinations for you. Don’t you know that means you are supposed to adopt all the children in the welfare system? I guess every potential parent should do that, because it’s their responsibility to clean up the messes made by lesser educated, less fortunate beings. Bullsh*t. How about free birth control, education, and yes, other choices for women who don’t really want their babies. Or how about this - mind your own f*ng business and adopt the free world if you want, but dont’ judge other people’s choices.
Gabrielle
Mar 21, 2008 at 3:12 pm
“How about free birth control, education, and yes, other choices for women who don’t really want their babies.”
So agreed.
Thank you both for your comments. I hated to spend 2 posts on a little bit of a downer, but it was an exercise in patience and understanding to write a response. 2 things that I think I need more of, so in a way, it was a positive thing.
Pamela Jeanne
Mar 22, 2008 at 11:25 am
Well said — and handled with the utmost grace. I was so turned off by the vitriol and yelling (what’s with all the CAPS!?) that I couldn’t imagine where I would start with a response. You answered it better than I ever could have. thank you…
Megan
Mar 23, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Right, you’re such a bad person for wanting to have what SHE already has. I feel sorry for that commenter. And I feel especially sorry for her friends, if she has any. It is not easy to adopt these days — from my initial research, it seems more difficult and more expensive to adopt a child than it is to go through ART. It’s not like there are millions of happy, healthy babies just waiting around in your local orphanage. Those days are over. But ART and adoption are not mutually exclusive.
She’s just a full-on nutcase.
I am impressed with your patience. When a bunch of irate cloggers started flaming me for my bad review of their performance, I just deleted the comments.
Alicia Sparks, NAMI Affiliation Leader
Mar 25, 2008 at 12:19 am
Emotions run high when it comes to babies; so high that unfortunately we sometimes don’t take a minute (or 10) to calm down and at least try to understand where the other person is coming from. Kudos to you, Gabrielle, for your well-thought, calm, and rational response. And for refraining from decreasing the strength of your case by resulting to name-calling.
And, to Pamela Jeanne - I’ve been sitting on this hysterical picture for a week now, waiting on the perfect opportunity to pass it along. Thank you (and your comment!) for giving me that opportunity, haha.
Gabrielle
Mar 25, 2008 at 9:52 am
Thank you all for your comments!
Pamela Jeanne, this person just brought me back to that public forum (was it in the Times?) when the comment section just devolved into statement like this with such a quickness that I was shocked. And you are so right, CAPS ARE SO AGGRESSIVE! It’s hard not to wince when reading them.
Alicia, I can always count on you for summing things up so concisely - “emotions run high when it comes to babies.” I don’t think truer words have been said. And I LOVE the image you shared. (hope you don’t mind. I peeked too)
And Megan, you should know better than to p*ss off cloggers. ;-)
Shinejil
Mar 27, 2008 at 12:11 pm
NEVER trust someone telling you what to do WITH THE CAPS LOCK ON!!!
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