Sticks and Stones - Part VI
Raise your hand if you have had this said to you:
Ok, now raise your hand with a certain finger extended if you had it said to you by a nurse in your ob/gyn office as you were there for one of the many mandatory pokes and tests used to determine fertility.
Oh yes, ladies. This was actually said to me as I was draped in paper, waiting to hear even more sh*tty news from my beautiful gynecologist. Not sure if the nurse thought she was making conversation, commiserating (?), what. What she did was make me feel even lower than I did walking in. As if the preliminary statement weren’t enough, she went on to say that she simply couldn’t fathom the lengths that people went through to get pregnant. The costs, the stress, all of it were completely unknown to her.
I suppose I could have seen this as an honest moment. A fellow female saying, “Hey, your scenario isn’t mine. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now but I’m here for you.”
Now, months later, I can give her the benefit of the doubt. At the time, the statement stuck with me for days, put me into a funk that I couldn’t decipher, something that I had never felt before, that I was somehow less of a woman than her.
What’s your reaction to this?
Tags: , awareness, fertility, fertility blog, Gabrielle Sedor, infertility, reproductive health, rude comments, womens healthRelated Stories
POSTED IN: pregnancy, shared experiences
7 opinions for Sticks and Stones - Part VI
isn't it pretty to think so
Mar 17, 2008 at 8:58 am
I think I would have been stunned silent. But I would have gotten it together enough to tell the doctor what was said!
Sarah
Mar 17, 2008 at 10:19 am
Now this one — I have no interest in giving her the benefit of the doubt (though I give you props for doing so). This one seems clearly, wildly inappropriate to me. I can’t believe someone said that to you. Gah.
Angelique
Mar 17, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Gab:
I’ve had women say this around/to me quite often. I guess they think it’s a joke, but if you’re having trouble conceiving (or you cannot conceive), it’s callous.
Thanks again for letting me be part of your blog! You have a supportive, wonderful community here!
Gabrielle
Mar 17, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Thank you, Angelique! Your acting skills are so appreciated. And thanks for your compliments. I hope that everyone feels welcome here, not just those of us who aren’t “fertile myrtles.” :-)
Megan
Mar 17, 2008 at 9:42 pm
That is totally messed up. I would have been so upset, I can’t even imagine. I think you’re far more of a woman than her, because you aren’t an f-ing idiot and were born with more empathy in your little finger than she has in her whole body.
I was indignant enough when my personal nurse at Shady Grove (you get assigned one from the start) turned out to be WAY pregnant and suffering from pregnancy brain, forgetting to call me back and things like that. I was glad when she went on maternity leave and I hope she never comes back.
kate
Mar 18, 2008 at 4:34 am
i hear this a lot too…..geez people can be selfish and dense!! you will NEVER EVER EVER be less of a woman, i don’t care who you are or what you do or what happens to you :-) Take care and all the best :-)
Shinejil
Mar 19, 2008 at 2:41 pm
While I sympathize with women who are in a very different situation due to their fertility (like way too much stress, poor support, poor health), the comment still makes me long to snap back something along the lines of, “Oh yeah? Well, I just snap my fingers and someone’s giving me an advanced degree/job offer/money/complement on my youthful, slim looks. Funny how life works.” You know, remind the speaker of the stuff you actually have to earn with more than a well-timed roll in the hay.
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