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Fertility Notes- a fertility blog with all the news your womb can use

“Why Don’t You Have a Baby?”

by Gabrielle on November 3rd, 2007

I have been experiencing some awkward moments at work lately.NIAW

We have a few new folks in the office – all of them female, young (sub-25 young) none of whom can seem to get their heads around the fact that I am in my mid-30s, financially stable, married to a great guy….but we have no kids.

Why don’t I have any kids? Do I ever think about having kids? Don’t I think it would be GREAT to have kids?

!#$%#@#$!!##

We have encountered this before – especially when we lived in very Catholic countries like Poland and Chile. But back then, there were other obvious answers we could point to: we were broke, not married yet, living thousands of miles away from our families….I only had to reference one of these facts and the questioner would nod understandingly. End of discussion. But at least two conversations have occurred this week that have left me stuttering and leaving the room quietly, hoping no one notices. Part of me wants to use these opportunities for a “teachable moment.” (The other half wants to pull their hair and tell them to mind their own bleeping business. )

How timely, then, that this week (November 4-10) is National Infertility Awareness Week.

Each year during National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) RESOLVE regions and affiliates across the U.S. offer educational and informational events for women and men suffering from infertility.

I am going to the RESOLVE website right now to figure out how to best educate these little whippersnappers while not divulging too much of the personal into professional space. I promise to share my success (or lack of) here.

I am also very open to any advice you, my dear readers, may have. Really. I am all ears.

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3 opinions for “Why Don’t You Have a Baby?”

  • Mary Emma
    Nov 5, 2007 at 10:40 pm

    I resented this question years ago, too. We didn’t want to have a child right away, so I wondered why, after our first year of marriage, people thought it strange I wasn’t pregnant, or “expecting,” as they called it then. When we did want a child, I had difficulty getting pregnant, so experienced some of what you’re feeling. I realize now (from the vantage,or is it “vintage,” of a grandmother) people weren’t trying to be unkind…they just DIDN’T THINK. But I wished they wouldn’t feel they had to ask it. (We eventually had one daughter and now two grandchildren).

  • Tom Pinit
    Nov 7, 2007 at 12:53 am

    Maybe it’s the part of the country we live in, but there seem to be more and more couples in their 30s and 40s who are perfectly content with their dogs, cats, horses…and no kids. Of course, with most of our family in parts of the country where it is more “traditional” to raise big families, we still get the “are you having a second?” question. I’d agree with Mary Emma, people just ask the question naturally without thinking about the issues surrounding this very personal topic.

  • Mel
    Nov 7, 2007 at 2:39 pm

    So I’ve especially been thinking a lot about this topic. I’ve certainly been in the DIDN’T THINK group - asking when and how many more - and later finding out the couple was stuggling with fertility issues, had a difficult first pregnancy (or early termination of) or is having relationship issues.

    That being said, I, single-not-in-a-relationship-30-something-girl, is often presented with these same “When are you going to have a baby” questions. To my knowledge *knockonwood* I don’t have any fertility problems at this time *crosses fingers*. But I’m also very much aware of my ideal timeframe growing smaller. And every time someone tells me what a great mother I’ll be, I simultaneously want to hug them and punch them. Being raised by a single mother for most of my life, it’s not a conscious decision I’m ready to make at this time.

    I am definitely trying to make an effort to be more aware of my baby fever from this point on. =)

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